A Baby

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ the hardest as well as the easiest times in our lives can be a blessing."
-President Henry B. Eyring

At the end of August we found out that we were pregnant with baby number two.  We were so excited and a little surprised it happened so fast!  I thought the timing was perfect.  Peyton and this baby would be a little over 2 1/2 years apart and a May baby just sounded dreamy.  I was feeling so tired and so nauseous this pregnancy.  It felt different then my pregnancy with Peyton from the beginning.  I got sick really early on and knew I was pregnant even before taking a pregnancy test.  I made an appointment to see my doctor at 12 weeks.  

When I was 11 weeks pregnant I began spotting.  I had spotted with Peyton at 7 weeks and didn't think much of it.  A couple days later I started having more bleeding and called my doctor.  They had me go in for an ultrasound on Thursday October the 15th.  The ultrasound showed no baby.  I was devastated.  The ultrasound tech didn't tell me much and told me that the doctor still wanted to see me at my appointment on Monday, which was originally my 12 week appointment.  They had me have some blood work done that day and told me to come back 2 days later to have some more done to see what my levels did.  

On Friday I got a call from my nurse saying that my numbers from the blood work were really high.  She said without a second number it is not very telling.  This got my hopes up and I thought that maybe we hadn't lost the baby.  I had been reading stories online of this happening all the time and thought that maybe we would see a miracle.  

On Sunday and Monday I was bleeding and began cramping.  By the time we went to our appointment on Monday afternoon, I was pretty sure I was losing the baby.  We went to our appointment and the doctor confirmed that it was not a viable pregnancy. . .I hated hearing those words.  She told us that things though were not adding up.  She said it could have been an early miscarriage and that my body had just not let go of the baby, which is why I was still feeling pregnant.  She said she was also worried about it being a molar pregnancy.  She suggested having a d&c the next day.  We took her advice and found out a couple days later that it was an early miscarriage and not a molar pregnancy.  We were thankful for this.

This has been such a heartbreaking experience.  Through it all I have not been able to get those who have gone through this or dealt with infertility off of my mind.  It is a loss and a heartbreak like no other that I have felt.  So many go through this and so many stay silent.  This was a baby, it was our baby, and I know that someday we will get the opportunity to raise him or her.  I know that miscarriages happen most of the time because there is a problem with the chromosomes that would make it impossible for the fetus to develop normally.  So I have been trying to look at it as a blessing.  That this baby was just too good to come to earth.  It has been a long week.  A very trying week.  It has been emotionally draining to go through this.  I have had a million thoughts going through my head and so many questions that may never be answered.  I know we will get through this and I know that this will make us stronger.  I am thankful for a good husband who has not left my side and for a healthy two year old.  We are so blessed and I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father.  I have faith in his timing and know that this happened for a reason.   

"We learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass." 

- President Thomas S. Monson